[World – Connection – Words]
As you see, every post I wrote here on „Kristallschimmer“ was either in German or a mix of German and English. But of course I’ve noticed that WordPress mostly consists of people who write in English and understand English. That’s why I decided to make some posts only in English once in a while so that more people can find something suitable to read here. Still this doesn’t mean that my writing will change or something like that. I just change the language in some posts, but not the content. I hope you enjoy my articles though. After all words can connect all of us, convey certain feelings and make our heart’s content visible to others. Words…are the most precious thing to me, because they’ve already accompanied me for my whole life and I hope to be able to use them to share my thoughts, my emotions and my heart with others.
I would like to tell you some things about me. My name, or I should rather say „nick“name is Mireille. I was a 16 year old girl and only recently have turned 17. Another page in my life has been opened. Blank again. I am wondering about how to fill it. Well, this isn’t really important right now though. What comes, comes, what goes, goes. Anyway, about me: I am somehow your average girl and at the same time not, I guess. It depends on the point of view of the person. Some see me as a very gloomy and weak person whereas to others I am a strong, dependable and self-confident girl. And then again, there are also people who just think of me as an average girl. Nothing special. Not too good, not too bad. But if all of them are right or none…that is not for me to judge as everyone is different so that the opinion differs from person to person as well.
Hm…What should I talk about now? Oh, yeah, in my opinion it is quite obvious, but maybe I should still say it: I am addicted to books and to writing! Since I was 12 or 13 writing has been a way of mine to get rid of the pain, the loneliness and the tears that plagued me. Somehow I even managed to forget these things as soon as I took a pen and started writing on a completely blank sheet of paper. It was…like going into another world. Neither better nor worse than ours. Just…far, far away. Nothing could reach you, especially not all the pain others inflicted upon you. It was like a dream that protected you. Sure, some might call me weak. I know I am. But don’t we all have our weak spots? Times, when we just want to break down crying. Times when we don’t care about how we might look to others and just let loose all the sorrow we’ve held captive in our heart…
We are human, that’s why we are behaving like that. We aren’t perfect and never will be. That’s what „being human“ is about. We live our life, make mistakes, make memories. Yes, we can even lose our minds when we can’t cope with this world. Or maybe all of us are already crazy…I don’t know.
I am shivering. I am feeling cold again. My heart…my body…my mind. They shiver again, tremble. Yes, we might all be crazy already and maybe I am losing my senses as well. This weak heart will soon be my death when it goes on like that. This speckled heart with shades of white, grey and black. It struggles to survive, I struggle to save it. Maybe it doesn’t fit into this world, but I am still far from giving up. Yes, I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to lose myself any more than I have already in the course of time…I don’t want to kill myself. Not again. This self, these memories, these laughters, these tears, these strong emotions. I don’t regret having experienced these things with you, my beloved. No, I treasure them in my heart and will always do. Thank you for everything. I thank you…I thank you…I love you.]
[…There are so many things I’d like to say. Will you wait for all these words?…]